Raising a daughter is a challenge, but for single mothers, raising a son can be very daunting. There is no way we will EVER have enough testosterone to teach our sons how to be good men. This is why I don't understand women who think they can raise a son without a father or some type of male influence.
I teach school and every day, I see boys who are being raised by single mothers. Their moms are doing a good job, but these boys are constantly seeking out adult male attention. They are looking for a role-model who will teach them to be a man. Now, some of these moms of course would like to have a positive male role model in their son's life, but ALOT of them CHOOSE to be single mothers and keep the fathers at a distance or out of the picture altogether. I simply don't understand this. I do everything I can to make sure Keifer is surrounded by positive male role-models. He spends lots of time with my father, he plays on sports teams coached by men, he interacts with men at church, and sees his father as much as possible. You see, I want Keifer to grow up to be a wonderful man. I can teach him to be a good person, a moral person who is kind and loving, but I cannot teach him how to be a man.
Keifer and I do lots of things together- we ride bikes, play soccer, watch movies, build with Legos- alot of which would be done with his father if he were here. I can fill in those kinds of gaps, but I can't teach him the really important inner "things" that make a male a MAN. You see, I believe that boys, especially, learn by watching and imitating. Boys need to see men working hard to support their families. They need to see men treat women in kind and gentle ways. They need to see men conquer their fears and dive head first into whatever task needs to be accomplished. Boys need to see men being strong for their families and loved ones when all they really want to do is sit down and cry. Boys have to see that wonderful combination of love, bravery and toughness that only men exude.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that a woman can't raise a family, put bread on the table, mow the lawn and take out the trash- all in one day, and in high heels. What I am saying is that we, as single mothers, do our sons a disservice if we try to raise them in a female dominated world with little or no meaningful contact with a man who is invested in him. Even if I weren't living this now, I would have learned it anyway. You see, my father's father died just months before he was born. He never had an opportunity to know his father, but my grandmother understood his needs and did her best to have his grandfather, uncle and close family friends invest time and love in him. My father grew up to be a good man. Now he is teaching Keifer how to be a good man.
So, if there are any men reading this, I encourage you to volunteer in a school, become a Boy's Club mentor, work with the male youth at your church, seek out your wife's single friends and take an interest in their son/s- be a father figure for a boy who does not have one. And ladies, if you know a mother who is raising a son by herself, encourage her to let the child's father be a part of his life when it is possible; help her find mentors for her son;give her a break from her son; do whatever it takes to help her raise a wonderful man. Because ladies, we've all been "done wrong" by a man who was not raised to be a REAL MAN. You don't want your son or your friend's son to turn out like that- do you?
From Dr. James Dobson-
Though children of all ages, both male and female, have an innate need for contact with their fathers, boys suffer most from the absence or noninvolvement of fathers. According to the National Center for Children in Poverty, boys without fathers are twice as likely to drop out of school, twice as likely to go to jail and nearly four times as likely to need treatment for emotional and behavioral problems as boys with fathers.
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